Last night, I was in the middle of a Netflix binge watching session. Now, this was after a long day in a pre-kindergarten classroom, where I had to wipe faces, tear students off one another when a toy plane couldn’t be shared, and sing silly songs to get them to clean up their work. I deserved this, okay?! The show that was in play last night was the classic, “Gilmore Girls”. If you are like me and were not one of the many girls in your middle school classes who watched it, I highly recommend it. It’s a feel-good show that is a nice break from the dramatics of “Scandal” and “House of Cards”.
On last night’s episode, Lorelai (the mom of the show and one of the main characters) is talking to her good buddy Luke about opening a her own Inn and moving away from the one she has managed for the past 10 years. Luke, who owns and runs the local diner, is giving her advice to try to calm her down from her little freak out. This is what happened:
Luke: You’re just scared. Just like everybody else when they’re taking on something big.
Lorelai: Well, then what does everybody else do to get through this feeling?
Luke: They run in the back, throw up, pass out and then smack their head on the floor.
Luke: That’s what I did on the first morning I opened the diner. Look, there is no button to push to get you through this. You just gotta jump in and be scared and stick with it until it gets fun.
Lorelai: How long ’til the diner got fun?
Luke: About a year.
Lorelai: Wow. And there’s no button?
Lorelai: You just jump?
Luke: You just jump.
The advice he gave Lorelai was something that hit me like a ton of bricks. It was really relevant to where I am in my life right now and I couldn’t believe how much it makes sense. With leaving CMU just last month, I’m entering another chapter of my life. I’m moving home without any idea of when I am moving out. I’m entering an unpaid internship with no idea of any job prospects following it up. I left the comforts of a place I knew for four years and the friends that have become my support system behind.
All while this overthinking is going on about where my life is heading, the fear of getting into that classroom is apparent as well. Don’t get me wrong, I love teaching and I know this is where I’m meant to be, but it scares me that I don not know what to expect walking into my student teaching this fall. What happens when my teacher suddenly hands me the reigns of her class? What if I do such a terrible job that she has to take the reigns back?! What if the students don’t take me seriously? Alert the SOS signals now ….
This is why one has to jump. Like Luke says, there isn’t one magic button you push to get you through this weird transition that gives you instant bravery. There isn’t one button to make everything okay and perfect. You have to jump. Teaching may be the scariest thing to me right now, but I know it’s what I want to do. I just have to keep at it until it gets fun – which I know it will be!
My only hope is that I don’t have to run to the back, throw up, pass out, and crash to the floor in order to get me through it 😉